Five Relatives that Peter Parker Knew (And One That He Didn't)
I am Uatu, the Watcher for your world and race.
One of your greatest heroes, often misunderstood or underestimated, is Peter Parker, better known as Spider-Man. His story is well-known, and usually begins with his adoption by Ben and May Parker. But what if someone else had taken responsibility for him? What if he had gone to guardians elsewhere, or had a larger family? Would things have been much the same, or would his story be very different? There are many worlds, many ways his life went in different branches of the multiverse. I will show you some of them...
1: What If... Peter Had Relatives in London?
Spider-Man threw out more web-strands to stop Tower Bridge opening and dumping the crowded bus into the Thames.
"Really need some help here."
"ETA two minutes." On schedule a huge aircraft appeared overhead, lowering grabs to lift the bus clear and onto a safe road.
Peter waved to the crowd, webbed up to Thunderbird 2, swung several blocks, climbed into a pink Rolls Royce, and pulled on civilian clothes.
"Well done," said Lady Penelope. "Now let's see if your uncle's opened the control room yet."
"FAB, me laidy."
"And stop using that ridiculous Cockney accent, Parker, it doesn't fool anyone..."
Crossover - Thunderbirds
2: What If... Peter Had A Different Aunt May?
"Let's see if I've got this right," said Aunt May, "you've been sneaking out at night to fight crime, and Tony Stark got you to fight Captain America in Germany?"
"Umm... Yeah, that's about it."
"Did you win?"
"It was more of a draw. They had this guy who was like a hundred feet tall. I webbed his legs together and took him down, but some of them got away while I was fighting him."
"You can do better," said Melinda May, "Next training session we concentrate on tactics, Coulson wants to see some real progress before you join SHIELD..."
Crossover - Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. - I really doubt that anyone pronounces the punctuation in conversation, which is why there are no periods in the last word.
3: What If... Peter Had A Different Uncle Ben?
"You're really doing this?" said Uncle Ben. "Fighting petty criminals and thieves?"
"Someone needs to do it," said Peter. "The Avengers don't get out of bed for anything smaller than an alien invasion, the X-men are only interested in mutants, none of the superhero teams give priority to the guy in the street."
"Not saying you're wrong, but sometimes you have to look at the big picture."
"Oh, I'll be there if there's a huge emergency, with great power... well, you know."
"Talk to Reed," said Ben Grimm, "get him to improve your web shooters. And be careful out there."
Crossover - Fantastic Four
4: What If... Peter Had A Second Uncle Ben?
"Live for me," said Buffy, turned, and dived into the portal. She hung in the air, then plummeted towards the ground as it closed, barely alive.
At the last second a red and black figure swung in from the side, caught her, and lowered her to the ground.
"Spider-man?" Anya said as Willow and Tara gave first aid. "I thought you were in New York."
"Just visiting. Trying to find someone who lives here someplace."
"Maybe we can help. What's the name?"
"Ah..." said Giles, getting up from the suffocated corpse. "I'm afraid I have some bad news..."
Crossover - Buffy. In BtVS S5 the hell-goddess Glorificus could change form to a medical intern called Ben Wilkinson, who was eventually suffocated by Giles to stop her reappearing.
5: What if... Peter Had a Second Aunt May?
"My sister May is in hospital," said May Bellamy.
"Your sister is called May too?" asked her boyfriend John.
"There was a mix-up when my birth was registered. Trouble is she looks after our nephew. He'll have to stay with us for a few days."
"I never met a nephew that was worth shit."
"He's a good kid. Science student, you'll hardly know he's here."
"Science student? Huh... Think he knows anything about burglar alarms?"
"John Dortmunder, you are not going to get that boy involved in any crimes!"
"It wouldn't hurt to ask. What's the worst that could happen?"
Crossover - The "Dortmunder" comedy crime caper novels (The Hot Rock etc.) by Donald Westlake.
6: And One That Didn't
"MO matches an armoured car robbery six years ago," said Sergeant Kaplan. "Organized by a perp named Ronald Kasper, alias Charles Willis. Robbery, robbery-homicide, killed a guard escaping from prison. This time they hit a prison van by mistake."
"And the victim?" asked Captain Stacey.
"Dennis Carradine, killed Ben Parker last year. Killed when they blew the van open."
"I'm not buying it as a mistake. Find out who might have wanted Carradine dead."
Three states away Kasper, formerly Willis but born Parker, whistled as he drove and wondered what his girlfriend would be wearing when he got home.
Crossover - The "Parker" Novels (Point Blank etc.) by Donald Westlake, writing as Richard Stark
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