Marcus L. Rowland (ffutures) wrote,
Marcus L. Rowland

Fanfic - Harry Potter / Surprise Crossover - Going Home

Just a one-off Harry Potter crossover; comments please before I post to archives.

Going Home

Marcus L. Rowland

"I'm sorry, Hermione," said Harry Potter, piling the last of his possessions into his trunk. "I think we both knew that I'd have to go sooner or later."

"But why, Harry? Voldemort's gone, there's nothing left but a crater that used to be Malfoy Manor. Why would you go?"

"My time here on Earth is ending..."

"Harry? Are you saying you're... you're dying?"

"Not exactly."

Hermione stared at him. "What, exactly, does 'Not exactly' mean?"

"It means that technically I've been dead since Halloween 1981."

"That's garbage. Voldemort didn't kill you!"

"Voldemort didn't kill me. He did kill Harry Potter."


"My people wanted to learn about yours. Harry gave us the way."

"Who exactly are your people?"


"Well WHAT, Harry?"

"You'd probably call us aliens."


"Sorry, I'm afraid it's true. We've been scouting the Earth for decades, trying to understand your culture, but it's just plain weird. You're ridiculous! Money, multiple sexes, politics... we just didn't understand it. But one of our scientists came up with the idea of finding a child and implanting one of our personalities as an observer; everyone hated it for ethical reasons, then we realised that we wouldn't be hurting anyone if we started out by replacing someone who was dead. We didn't know anything about magic, but around that time there seemed to be a lot of gas explosions and poorly-explained deaths in Britain, so we started looking for an incident we could use. As luck would have it, the first was Godrick's Hollow."

Hermione looked shaken. "What exactly did you do?"

"We scanned the explosion site and saw that there was a dead child and... well, beamed him up, made some hasty repairs, and beamed him down again with my personality implanted before anyone arrived to rescue him. If we hadn't had to be so hasty we would have got rid of the scar and saved ourselves a lot of grief!"

"So you're a.. a zombie?"

"More of a clone, really. Most of my nervous system, and quite a lot of the rest of me. We couldn't have got away with it if we'd used an adult, but nobody expects a child that age to do much. But I think the Dursleys must have subconsciously realised that something was wrong, it's probably one of the reasons why they hated me. I was like a human child but a bit... off at first. Look up the term 'uncanny valley', it could explain a lot. I spent the next few years trying to learn more about your culture, which isn't easy when you're spending most of your time locked in a cupboard, I thought I was beginning to grasp it until my Hogwarts letter came along."

"You still had magic then?"

"Yes... we're still a bit puzzled about that. About most magic, in fact. I can do it, but none of us are quite sure why or how."

"But you killed Voldemort! If you're an alien why did you bother?"

"Ethics. Once we knew what he was doing he and his followers had to be stopped, if we could do it without destroying your culture. I could have tried to do it with magic, but in the end it was easier to cheat. The power he knew not was a plasma beam weapon. We can take out a heavily shielded starship several thousand miles away in a couple of shots, Malfoy Manor wasn't much of a challenge."

"And now you're leaving?"

"You don't have plasma beam weapons if you don't need them. My people are at war and it's hotting up, we can't keep a ship here any longer. It's time for me to go."

"Let's say I believe you. What do you really look like?"

"Did you ever see E.T.?


"Well, not exactly the same but close enough. Anyway, I think it's time to say goodbye."

"How are you going to explain it?"

"I'm not, and I don't think you should try either, I'm not sure the wizarding world is quite ready for aliens. At least you understand the concept, it's why I've tried to explain. Just make it a mystery, leave it open, like something out of a myth. You never know, I might come back in a few years. Say that you don't think I died, I just went home."

Despite herself, Hermione giggled at the Men in Black reference.

"Have a good life, and find someone who's vaguely compatible if you insist on marrying, Ron's a disaster waiting to happen. Or not, I'm not exactly the best judge of human character." He finished loading his trunk. "You'd better stand back a bit."

Instead, Hermione grabbed him and gave him a hug. "You'd better come back, you arsehole."

"No promises. Now stand back a bit, really."

Hermione backed off. There was a flash of white light, and he was gone. Hermione thought for a moment, then quietly left the boy's dorm. Let someone else notice that he was gone, she'd be as surprised as everyone else.

Several minutes later, and already more than a light year away, Sigyn of the Asgard's eyes opened, and the last chapter of the adventures of Harry Potter closed...


Stargate / Harry Potter crossover, of course, all of which belong to people who are not me.

The origin of this one is simple - I noticed a story where the summary mentioned GREY! POWERFUL! HARRY! and this was the first place my mind went. This was going to be an April 1st joke, but I finished writing it after midnight...

Slightly revised final version on line at these sites:

Also posted at, where there are comment count unavailable comments. Please comment here or there using OpenID.

Tags: crackfic, crossover, fanfic, harry potter

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