Marcus L. Rowland (ffutures) wrote,
Marcus L. Rowland

Bring Me the Head of Harry Potter - the last part!

Here, finally, is the last part of Bring Me the Head of Harry Potter, the BtVS / HP / Sopranos / Highlander crossover to end all BtVS / HP / Sopranos / Highlander crossovers...

Previous chapters can be found at

I'm posting this here for now, will post to archives tonight if nobody spots any horrible mistakes.

A BtVs / Angel / Harry Potter / Sopranos / Highlander crossover. Minor spoilers up to the end of season 7 of Buffy. Set after Season 7 BtVS, after Season 4 Angel, after Harry Potter graduates, and nowhere in particular in Sopranos / Highlander continuity.

All characters belong to their respective creators / film companies / etc. and are used without permission. This story may only be distributed on a non-profit-making basis.

Final part. If you like this story, check out my other stories on the Fanfiction Net, Twisting the Hellmouth, and Fonts of Wisdom websites.

I'm British, so's my spelling. Live with it.

Since I began this story Angel S5 has revealed much more about events in the Buffyverse post Sunnydale. Once again I should emphasise that any resemblence between its plot and Buffy post Season 7, Angel post season 4, is more or less coincidental.

Bring Me The Head Of Harry Potter

by Marcus L. Rowland


Hermione screamed, and Cordelia jumped to her feet. "Petrificus totalis" said Percy. She fell back into her chair, immobile. "Anyone else? Oh, don't bother to scream again, nobody can hear you. I've taken care of that."

There was a pause, then Harry said "I suppose this is the part where you explain your fiendish plan."

"What?" said Percy.

"Well, it's all a bit... you know... melodramatic," said Dawn.

"You can't kill us all," said Hermione, "Even Voldemort could only cast the Killing Curse a couple of times a day. So what are you going to do?"

"Why do you want to know?" asked Percy

"I'd imagine you're going to kill me," said Harry, "and I'd really like to know why, and be sure that nobody else will be hurt. If you can convince me of that I won't try to fight it too hard."

"Fight me? Without your magic?"

"Never heard of dodging?"

"Avada Kedav..." Dawn pushed Harry out of the way and took the blast of green energy, collapsing forward onto the table. "What in Merlin's name..." said Percy. Professor Vector felt her wrist then sorrowfully shook her head.

"You bastard!" said Gunn.

"I'm very disappointed," said Dumbledore. "To think that you should come to this... this vicious sloppiness."

"It's your own fault," said Percy, "Harry should have been the only one hurt. But you had to go poking into things, digging up the past."

"So you were Voldemort's agent all along?" asked Professor Vector.

"Of course not!" Percy actually looked insulted. Behind him, unnoticed, Angel silently rose to his feet. "Voldemort was mad. The Death Eaters were vicious sadistic thugs. But anyone can see that we've the right to rule. The muggles are obviously incapable of doing it for themselves."

"So you're... what, a magic Nazi?" asked Fred.

"Sounds like it to me," said Gunn. "But what did you have against Harry."

"What chance would I have in politics with him around?"

"You're putting me on."

"They're already talking about asking him to join the Ministry. Five years and he'll be junior Minister, ten and the bastard'll be Minister for Magic."

"And you wanted my money for... for buying your way into office?" Harry asked incredulously.


"And you weren't trying to bring out the truth about Durmstrang?"

"Why would I want to do that? It's the one thing that could ruin my chances."

"I've heard of dirty politics..." began Willow, as Angel finally closed in on Percy. Almost too fast to see, he grabbed Percy by the head and twisted. There was a sickening snap and he dropped to the floor, dead.

"It would have helped if you'd taken him alive," said Dumbledore.

"Maybe I'm not feeling helpful," said Angel. "In fact, right now what I'm feeling is hungry." He looked around the room, and Willow slowly said "Angelus."

"That's right. Angel has left the building. Looks like I'm finally rid of that damned idiot."

"Actually," said Dumbledore, "I'd imagine you're temporarily separated. Even the Killing Curse can't destroy a soul."

"Then I'd better make the most of it while I can." His face morphed to his vampire form.

As he spoke Gunn pulled a crossbow from under the table and began to cock it, and the Baba Yaga threw a silver throwing knife at him. Angelus dodged the knife and leapt towards Gunn, hurdling a chair thrown in his path by Viktor. Dawn groaned and sat up, saw what was going on, and threw a bottle at Victor's head. He fended it off with one hand, drawing a knife with the other. By now everyone who wasn't petrified or stupefied was on their feet, with a weapon of some sort in their hands.

"Dawn," shouted Willow, "He's Angelus!" Dawn drew her sword and turned towards him.

"Do you really think you can stop me?" said Angel, snarling as they moved to encircle him.

There was a soft "beep" from Fred's PDA. "Actually," she said, "I think I have." Angel turned towards her, confused, as a swirling whirlpool of energy formed above his head. He started to scream something, then fell up through it and vanished. The disc of energy vanished with him.

"Where did he go?" asked the Baba Yaga.

"Back to the Hyperion. He'll come out in the cage in the basement, I made sure it was locked before we left. Once whatever Percy did to you wears off Willow can catch his soul and bring it back for him. I've got the orb and the herbs in my bag."

"How did you do that?" asked Dumbledore. "You didn't even touch that machine."

"Easy. When we get back to LA and I'm sure everything's okay I'll send myself a message telling me exactly when and where to open the portal, and everything else I need to know."

"Which you've already received?" asked Professor Vector.

"That's right. It came in when we were probing the original portal, with a warning not to discuss it with anyone else. I guess we can forget about causality, though I'm kinda wondering what'll happen if I don't send it."

"I'd prefer not to risk it," said Willow.

"Yeah. Maybe I'll try it another time when the stakes aren't quite so high."

"But Miss Summers..." began Professor Vector.

"I've got kinda a high natural resistance to magic," lied Dawn, "after all my sister's a Slayer. I think most of the blast missed me anyway."

"Your pulse..." protested Professor Vector.

"Well, my heart's thumping, but I think I'm okay."

"Your heart wasn't beating!"

"Maybe you didn't feel my pulse right. Things must have been kinda tense."

"My scar might have helped," said Harry, "it protected me from Voldemort, and Percy wasn't nearly as powerful. It hurt when he cast the spell, maybe it reduced the effect."

"But..." began Hermione, then realised that Harry was lying to protect Dawn. "...but of course. Honestly, Dawn, you should have known better, you're not even a proper witch."


"Does it really matter, Professor?" asked Dumbledore. "After all, Miss Summers could hardly spring back to life." Dawn thought he winked slightly. "High natural magical resistance seems a perfectly acceptable explanation to me. It would be interesting to see how you handle a wand, Miss Summers, I particularly recommend those made by Ollivander. If you do indeed have a gift for magic I would strongly suggest that you obtain some training."

"What about Percy?" asked Harry.

"What would you suggest?" asked Dumbledore.

"If we tell anyone what he was up to it'll kill his parents. Could we... umm... make it look like some sort of accident?"

"Harry, Harry, it was lies that got us into this mess. I would have thought you would know better."

"You're right, I suppose. They'll have to be told. And the truth about what really happened to Durmstrang needs to come out."

"Definitely," said Willow. "How about you?" she gestured towards the Baba Yaga. "Are you content to leave things as they are?"

"If I'm not?"

Willow concentrated, and one of the bottles on the table rose into the air. "That might be unfortunate. I may not be as powerful as you, but I know what Percy zapped us with, I've run into it before. I've already got a little magic back, I'll be okay in about ten minutes. Will you?"

The Baba Yaga strained, but nothing happened. Eventually she said "What do you propose?"

"You let the Ministry of Magic do their job. We'll make sure that they do. I'm willing to bet that Percy had a pretty good idea who'd hijacked his operation, without him there to obstruct things the truth will probably come out. And I'll tell you about the drug Percy used, and how to work around it."

"And the other Death Eaters?"

"They go to Azkaban when we're certain of their guilt. Isn't that enough revenge for you?"

"Very well."

"Your word?"

"Very well. I give you my word."

Dumbledore said a few words in Russian. The Baba Yaga hissed, then replied in the same language.

"That's better," said Viktor. "I think we are having a deal."

"What about Angel?" asked Gunn. "He's not gonna be very popular in the wizarding world."

"Once the truth comes out," said Dumbledore, "I doubt that anyone will blame mister Angel. Percy should have known that the Killing Curse is useless against vampires, and guessed what might happen."

"One thing," said Harry. "Is there any way you can keep me out of the Ministry? I really don't want to be a politician."

"Of course you don't," said Dumbledore, "nobody in his right mind does. Circumstances sometimes force us into that role, but only a fool seeks power for the sake of power."

"I think you just explained the US electoral system," said Dawn.

"And the British, from what I've seen of it," said Harry. "But seriously, Professor, can you keep me out?"

"Harry, you're a brave boy.. no, a brave man.. but you could barely organise your homework, let alone a country. You were never seriously considered for office, I fear that was one of Percy's delusions. A post as an auror, perhaps, but not political office. Someone from your generation will eventually assume the role, I suppose, but you have never been on the list of possible candidates. Longbottom or Zambini, perhaps, or even young Malfoy now the influence of his father is removed."

"Bloody hell."

"Any of them would be better than our former minister, Harry."

"Can't argue with that."

"Hilda," said Dumbledore, "I think you'd better go outside and get Madame Rosmerta to summon the Aurors. And find out how Percy persuaded her to adulterate the drinks, and get us some that don't contain his ingredient. Miss Rosenberg, your help in preventing another occurrence would be appreciated."

"Let me get that soul back first. This time I'm gonna make that spell so binding..."

"So that's it." Harry said quietly as the first aurors and mediwitches arrived. "Seems a bit anti-climactic. I suppose we should be grateful that Percy was the only one killed."

"Apart from Dawn, of course," said Hermione. "It's a good thing you knew you'd recover from the Killing Curse."

"Knew?" Dawn said absently. "How would I know?" She started to turn towards Willow, but Harry grabbed her arm, turned her back, and kissed her.

"Hermione," said Viktor, "This is the happy ending, yes?"

"Maybe. For some definitions of happy, I suppose."


In the months that followed the last remnants of Malfoy's Death Eater cell were rounded up and imprisoned. True to her word, the Baba Yaga did nothing to interfere. The Weasleys took the news of Percy's guilt badly, but eventually learned to live with their sorrow.

Tony Soprano's decapitated corpse was 'ported to the New Jersey marshes, and eventually found by hunters, precipitating a gang war that claimed a dozen lives. Furio Giunta's humanity was restored, and all memories of his involvement in the wizarding world erased. With Tony dead he had no reason to stay in America, and returned to Italy.

Rita Skeeter's mysterious disappearance remains one of the enduring puzzles of the wizarding world. The Quibbler has run several articles about it, but nobody takes them seriously. The Daily Prophet offers a standing reward of five thousand galleons for news of her fate.

Professor Vector became the first wizard in Hogsmeade with internet access, and collaborates with Fred at long range. They're working on extending a portal over interplanetary and interstellar distances, but keep running into problems caused by interference from whatever it is that the US government has hidden under a Colorado mountain. Fred and Gunn are expecting another child.

Hermione eventually married George Weasley and became the business manager of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes. Fred Weasley is engaged to Blaise Zambini, the Deputy Minister of Magic. Ron Weasley remains single, and recently became Wizarding Chess World Grand Master.

The Cordy Show is now in its sixth year, and the running joke about Cordy's mysterious boyfriend has become an integral part of the plot. Between seasons she helps the Watchers Council train new recruits. She and Angel are happy together, but take care to ensure that he never quite achieves perfect happiness.

Willow and Kennedy continue to live in Cleveland. They now have eleven cats, four of them part kneazle and sired by Hermione's cat Crookshanks.

Dawn and Harry continued an intermittent affair for several years, neither of them willing to commit to a long-term relationship, slowly drifting apart as the difference in their apparent ages became more obvious. Eventually he married Ginny Weasley and is now a respected auror and father of three. Dawn now works full-time for Angel Investigations, with a side line as stunt double for rock star Celeste.

The Baba Yaga is believed to be somewhere in Russia. It's rumoured that she is currently in a relationship with Viktor Krum, but nobody feels brave enough to ask.

The End

Comments, as always, greatly appreciated.

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