Marcus L. Rowland (ffutures) wrote,
Marcus L. Rowland

Fanfic Meme - fifteen characters to mess with... (2)

First of all, the characters, randomised to avoid gender or genre bias.

1 Madame Vastra (Doctor Who)
2 Janine Melnitz (Ghostbusters)
3 Willie Garvin (Modesty Blaise books etc.)
4 Rorschach (Watchmen)
5 Rupert Giles (Buffyverse)
6 Rick Castle (Castle)
7 Gil Grissom (CSI)
8 M (James Bond movies - the female version)
9 Worf (Star Trek DS9 etc.)
10 Debra Morgan (Dexter - spelled Deborah in the books)
11 Jimmy Olsen (Superman, Lois and Clark, etc,)
12 Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)
13 Pepper Potts (Iron Man, Avengers etc.)
14 Rex the Hamster (Stephanie Plum books)
15 Death (Sandman)

I was a little disappointed that there were only three responses, then I realised how difficult some of the answers were going to be. Hope you enjoy them!

[And your requests]

gonzo21 asked:

Madame Vastra and Janine Melnitz adopt somebody from the rest of the list, who fits into their happy little lifestyle the best? Well, there is at least one orphan, an abused bastard, a girl who was abandoned by her mother, and someone whose father was always a mystery (until recently) on the list, I'm sure any of these four would be reasonably happy with such caring parents. Of the four Rorschach comes from the worst background, any change must be an improvement, but I suspect he would have trouble adapting to his adopted parents sexuality. Rick Castle would probably get on well with them, but he's reasonably happy with his existing mother, ditto Veronica Mars and her father. That leaves Willie Garvin, orphan, who would fit in wonderfully well with such kick-ass parents. He'd probably be fighting monsters and zapping ghosts with the best of them by ten or so, and bring some wonderfully useful skills to Modesty Blaise's operation when they eventually meet.

Gil Grissom and Willie Garvin have murdered Jimmy Olsen, how do they hide the body? With great difficulty, considering who'll be looking for it, but fortunately Gil is an expert at crime scenes and can easily tap into the Las Vegas crime lab's computer resources to find a suitable lead-rich environment to stash the body, such as an old Nevada gold mine. Gil finds the hiding place and covers up at the crime scene, while Willie disposes of the corpse.

Worf, Veronica Mars and Rupert Giles are fighting over Death, who wins? She does, of course, she gets everyone in the end. And they all win her, of course, for exactly the same reason.

curiouswombat asked:

Willie Garvin has been captured by M and is being held hostage - how hard was that for M to achieve? Gil Grissom and Pepper Potts are attempting a rescue. Is it likely to be successful? M knows all about Willie, of course, so she'll find a way to lure him - since she is not an idiot this will NOT involve using Modesty Blaise as bait! Possibly a honey trap, a chance to use some new and exotic weapon or a request for his help with 007's car would work. Maybe they offer him Q's job - he's built some equipment to that sort of standard - and grab him when he comes to take a look at the facilities. Meanwhile Gil spots the forensic evidence that proves that Willie has been captured, and calls on Willie's old girlfriend Pepper for help - she arranged for his release very quickly by using Stark Industry resources to buy the site occupied by British Secret Service HQ and threatening to evict if they don't let him go. If that doesn't work she'll get Nick Fury to "accidentally" park the Helicarrier on top of the building and slowly cut power to the engines...

Due to an unfortunate incident, Rex the Hamster is forced to borrow clothing from Madame Vastra. Does it fit, or does hilarity ensue? Rex is a little lost in it, and while trying to get him out Madame Vastra's predatory instincts unfortunately take over, and he is chased, stung, paralyzed, and swallowed.

Which of Rorschach, Rupert Giles or Debra Morgan would be the best Blue Peter presenter? The auditions are interesting; Rorschach delivers a long impassioned monologue[1], Giles plays his guitar and tells an old folk story[2], and Debra reads "Get the F*ck to Sleep" adding extra profanity. While the presenters can see a few problems with all of them, they eventually decide that Giles' charisma and background in the American education system make him marginally the better choice.

[1] "The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us."

[2] "This world is older than any of you know. Contrary to popular mythology, it did not begin as a paradise. For untold eons demons walked the Earth. They made it their home, their... their Hell. But in time they lost their purchase on this reality. The way was made for mortal animals, for, for man. All that remains of the old ones are vestiges, certain magicks, certain creatures..."

johnreiher asked:

Jimmy Olsen fathered Willy Garvin with Worf, but Willy doesn't know this. How does Willy react when he finds out Jimmy is a parent? Well, to begin with he'll want to know why he was abandoned and left in an orphanage, and also how he comes to have two male parents, one of them an alien from the future and the other younger than he is. Explanations involving exotic medicine and time travel probably follow. Fortunately Willy is one of the few people in the world who can honestly say that this isn't necessarily the weirdest thing that's ever happened to him, so it doesn't go too badly.

Rick Castle used to be a spy, and Janine Melnitz needs to find out who he used to spy for. Does she succeed? Eventually, but they both dance around the topic a fair bit first. Both have their own romantic interests so seduction isn't on the table, but Castle is incapable of keeping a secret for long, so matters are soon resolved.

M and Veronica Mars hop into a car and drive to Las Vegas. Which one picks up some hookers and which one looses their shirt at the craps table? M gets the (male) hookers and the booze, since Veronica is under age in the USA, while Veronica stumbles across a game of strip craps in one of the hotel rooms and enthusiastically joins in. She loses her shirt before she can identify the guy who's cheating, but gets her money and clothes back once she's exposed him, and escapes with everyone else's money while the other players are dumping the body of the cheater. CSI never solve this one, both are too sneaky to get caught.

That was interesting - hope others will give it a shot.

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